The Idiot God
by wisegirlgeek
Summary: A birthday present for DrakonOwl21195! In which Thalia is Thalia and Apollo is an idiot. But really, what's new? Oneshot.
Thalia stretched out her limbs as she lounged in front of her tent. She and her hunters had just decided to stop and rest after a long day chasing a herd (is that what you call them?) of dracaenae all over California. They had shot down about half the herd down, and injured the rest. The alive monsters were stumbling a few hundred yards in front of the hunters. Thalia wasn't afraid that they wouldn't be able to keep up with rest of the herd. At the rate the monsters were traveling, catching up to them wouldn't be hard. They would be maybe an hour's run away come morning, and the hunters were all in pretty good shape. Lynn had a few scratches from where she had tripped through a bunch of rosebushes somewhere near Sacramento, but some nectar would fix her up.

Artemis's lieutenant had escaped completely unscathed from the hunt. A bright smile was playing on her lips, and she was looking over her camp with glee. She was proud of her hunters. They had done well today.

The sun was dimming over the spring evening, and soon, darkness was all that was left. Thalia sighed in content. Ever since the Winter Solstice she had joined the goddess, she had grown a fondness for the night. The night meant the moon. The moon meant all was right. It also meant Artemis was coming to check on the Hunters. Thalia sighed again. Though she was an eternal maiden, Artemis acted so like a mother one would think she had kids. Unless she was like Hera and actually had a kid by herself. However, Thalia highly doubted that.

Right on cue, Thalia saw a bright silver flash in the corner of her eye, along with a presence that marked itself as important. She didn't move her gaze from the camp as she spoke. "Hello, my lady. How was the council today?"

Thalia felt the other huntress slide onto the ground next to her. She smiled. This was why she liked Artemis as a patron. She was willing to lower herself to the ranking of her hunters, and not declare herself superior to them. The goddess quietly whispered. "It was not amiss from the others. I did not believe my father will ever get over how Percy Jackson ordered the gods to claim their children, but after the events of the past year, I believe he might actually be considering turning over a new leaf," the events of the past year being referred to were the battles of the Giant war. Thalia cringed as she thought about the losses she had experienced over that war. In both camps, as well as the Hunt, the losses had been double of the ones in the Titan war.

"I hope so." Was all she could say.

Artemis looked curiously over at her lieutenant and raised an eyebrow, suspicious of the short, clipped answer. She did not comment, however, and instead asked a question. "How was the Hunt today, Thalia?"

"Quite an accomplishment. We kept a steady chase over a pack of dracaenae and killed and injured most of them. I decided we should rest instead of pursuing them all the way. At the rate they were going, we should be able to quickly catch up to them tomorrow."

Artemis nodded as Thalia finished the status report. "Good. Shall I join you or leave tonight?"

"It is completely up to you, my lady."

"Then I shall stay. The council meetings have started to greatly prohibit my interaction with the hunters, and I shall like to spend some time with them," the goddess told her lieutenant, shuffling on the rock. This movement did not go unnoticed by Thalia, but she let it go, knowing that Artemis was probably full of energy from all the time she had started to spend in the throne room. Zeus had finally come to terms with all the madness that had happened over the past few years, and had decided to try to find a way how to make sure that there were no more secret plans for Nyx to take over or anything. He had lost his trust in demigods for some reason, and now he was constantly calling the gods to council, so that they could check there were no further conspiracies happening.

Thalia shook her head. Her father had to be the most unreasonable god that had ever controlled the Earth. She faintly remembered old plans of hers that including converting to Christianity. Feeling that the mood was quite sober, she decided to make a small joke.

"My lady, would it be problem if I decided to go to another religion?" She asked, a smile playing on the corners of her lips at the joke. Artemis, however, had a completely different reaction.

The lithe goddess suddenly sprung up, off the rock. In a few quick movements, she was facing Thalia with an expression that her lieutenant was not familiar with at all. Thalia contemplated the goddess's face, looking for what emotion she was trying to show. After a few moments, she realized what it was.

Artemis was frightened.

Thalia had never seen Artemis so _scared_ before. Through both wars they had been together, the goddess had always walked into battle with a proud face. She would be destroyed with honor, or win and be victor. Artemis held her pride high, and she wouldn't let anyone take it away. Thalia had never seen her act or be scared before. It was an alien way for Artemis to act.

"It was a joke," Thalia said, plainly. She hoped Artemis understood that.

Artemis sighed and sat back down. She crossed her legs and stared at the camp, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Please do not joke about such things, Thalia," Thalia opened her mouth to reply, but before a word could escape, Artemis continued. "It has been a long day, Thalia. I will go talk to some of the hunters, and then I will retire. You should too. It has been an eventful day, and I have no doubt tomorrow will be just like today."

Artemis spoke the last sentence as if she could tell the future. Thalia tried to speak again, but once again, before she could speak and protest their short conversation, Artemis spoke again.

"I will see you in the morning." When she finished, Artemis promptly disappeared into thin air.

Thalia shook her head. _Stupid gods and their disappearing acts._

Thalia stayed where she was, tapping and fingering the rock she was sitting on, for a few minutes. Then she looked at the camp and noticed Winnie, who had that night's beginning patrol, had started to roam the camp. Spreading her gaze further, she noticed everybody else had retired. Though she didn't have a curfew, Thalia decided to retire for the evening.

 _Tomorrow will be an eventful day._ She shivered. That didn't seem like a good thing.

 **-o-**

Thalia rolled groggily around in her makeshift bed. It wasn't very professional, but she didn't care. It was comfortable enough, and it wasn't like she was going to be staying in this makeshift camp for long. Artemis had probably left already. The Hunters were probably going to leave sometime soon. Rubbing her eyes, she took a look at the old, antique clock next to her.

 _5:30 A.M._

Really?

It was then that she realized that she hadn't just randomly woken up at this incredibly ungodly hour for no reason. No, instead, the victim of her anger was outside, yelling something.

Stumbling, Thalia threw on the first clothes she could find (The tunic and slacks from the day before, which were on the ground. She never claimed to be a clean person), and stormed outside. She winced as she realized that she had forgotten her shoes, leaving her delicate soles to the mercy of the gravel. Still, she kept going. An angry Thalia could not be held back from her anger by some dirt.

As she stormed outside, she noticed who was causing all the commotion.

 _Apollo._

Apollo? Apollo, seriously? Thalia and the rest of the hunters hated their lady's younger brother. He was a terrible flirt with all the maidens, and just a jerk in general. However, he for some reason did find it needed to come and visit the hunters whenever he had any free time. As Thalia glared at the blaring sun, she noticed the aforementioned sun god, who was longing in a red Maserati. She turned her glare to the annoying god. She had a feeling his visit was something Artemis had been talking about yesterday.

She stormed up to Apollo, and went straight to the point. "Why are you her, idiot?"

"Why, why, Thalia, no need to get so excited. I know you love my presence,' Apollo said as he smiled with glaring white teeth at her. It was more blinding than the sun.

Suddenly, Jamie, a very… Vocal hunter, with a very short temper, came out of her tent. Instead of letting Thalia deal with Apollo, she, unlike most other hunters, decided to take on the problem headfirst.

"****** ******* **** ****** ******** ***** ****** ***** ******** **** *******!" she yelled.

Thalia glared at Jamie. "Let me handle this."

Jamie looked about to protest, but instead turned and walked back into her tent without a single word spoken. Thalia sighed. At least that would be a problem anymore. And about the other problem… Her eyes narrowed. "Why are you here again?"

"Oh, nothing much. Artemis had to do extra rounds, and since I'm off today, I have to watch all of you. Something about the fact that Zeus doesn't trust you all on your own."

Despite how much she hated Apollo, Thalia knew he wasn't lying.

"Even if you have to watch us, I'm still boss over here. Go over there," she gestured towards an empty tent, "and stay in there. Don't worry, I'll eventually let you out. Maybe."

Apollo grinned again. "Well, I have to physically watch you, sweetheart,' he threw an arm around Thalia's shoulders.

Thalia shuddered and quickly moved away, with a loud "Stop it," yell.

"Okay honey, but I'm watching from my car," on that note, Apollo plopped himself down in the driver's seat of his car. He pulled on a pair of sunglasses and gave Thalia a blaring smile and a thumbs-up. Rolling her eyes, Thalia decided to just ignore the God of Stupidity. She turned around and faced the rest of the awake hunters.

"You guys get as much sleep as you can. When you wake up, be prepared to catch some monsters. If somebody hasn't woken up, don't disturb them, okay? I'll see you guys in a few hours, at a reasonable time," she glared at Apollo. Suddenly, she wondered why she was awake in the first place. What had that sound been?

Suddenly, she realized it had been Apollo's singing.

Really, what kind of God of Music was he?

Shaking her head, Thalia watched the rest of the tired hunters leave, and go into their tents. As the last of them left, Thalia shot a quick glance at Apollo, who was staring out into space. Shaking her head, she walked into her tent and collapsed, not bothering to put back on her pajamas. She wasn't a morning person.

 **-o-**

Thalia woke up at nine o'clock sharp, the time she was trained to wake up at. Jumping up, she straightened out her old clothes. She didn't feel much like changing. After quickly going to the bathroom (how, don't ask), and brushing her teeth, she walked outside. She waited as the rest of the hunters piled outside, before heading to the dining tent.

The hunters all sat at the long table, each with a magical plate in front of them. The minute Thalia snapped her fingers, each of the plates filled with each of the hunter's favorite foods **( I made this all up, btw)** , and Thalia smiled as all the hunters gorged themselves. She herself ate quite a lot, knowing that it would be a busy hunt that day.

As soon as the hunters finished, they got their hunting packs ready, and filled their quivers. Thalia prepared, as well. When everybody was finished, they all piled outside. Thalia quickly took in inventory of the camp. She had decided to leave it here, and come back when the hunt was done. As her eyes took in everything, she realized that there was one factor that she had not yet considered.

Apollo was still sitting in his car, fingering an iPhone, which Thalia had no idea how he had acquired.

Oh, right, he was god.

And he was Thalia's problem. She wasn't insane enough to believe that she could just leave him here without supervision.

She racked her brain, thinking about somebody who wouldn't hunt very well today, and who wouldn't start yelling like Jamie at Apollo. At the end, she decided on Lynn, the sweet girl who had been slightly injured the day before. Summoning Lynn from the small crowd of hunters, Thalia voiced her request.

"Of course,' was the girl's answer. Thalia sighed in relief. She had known Lynn was an incredibly nice person, but had been scared that nobody would consent to being with Apollo for a day. It was going to be pure Hades for Lynn, but the girl was still being nice about it.

"Thanks!'

Thalia smiled at Lynn, and she and the hunters left for the hunt, leaving behind an expressionless girl and an egoistical God.

 **-o-**

It was getting dark by the time Thalia reached the camp. The hunt had gone incredibly well, and the hunters had sent every single one of those dracaenae back to Tartarus. She smiled. Satisfaction.

Right before they reached camp, Thalia sniffed the air. Suddenly, she started coughing, noticing there was a slightly smoky smell in the air… Almost as if something was on fire.

Thalia took in the direction of the wind, the scent of the fire, and where the camp was. Unfortunately, all of her deductions led to one conclusion.

Apollo had set the camp on fire.

Thalia started sprinting towards the camp. Her logical side yelled at the rest of the hunters to go to the lake and get water. As the rest of the hunters had already smelled the fire as well, they started running towards the lake.

Soon, she reached the camp. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, and noticed Lynn, who looked unconscious, in the back seat of Apollo's car. Growling, she ran to the dining tent; it was smoldering, and looked like it was the cause for the fire. She leapt through the rings of fire around the site, and delicately danced outside of the burning grass. Thalia then barged into the dining tent.

Apollo looked at her, frozen, as he held a slightly melting stove.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Thalia screamed.

Apollo came out of his shock. 'Err, I got hungry."

"YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE A GOD, YOU CAN MAKE FOOD OUT OF THIN AIR!"

He looked at Thalia again. "Oh, right."

"NOW STOP THIS FIRE!"

"I can't do that!"

"YOU ARE A GOD!"

"Oh, right." Apollo said, shamefully, again.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?"

 **-o-**

After a few hours, a Jamie who had scarred the hunters forever, and Thalia screaming at Apollo, the camp was fixed. Or, at least, not on fire anymore.

Thalia had just finished her last screaming match with Apollo, and, as it was getting dark, she was about to retire to her tent and do something. Tight before she reached her tent, she saw a bright flash in the corner of her eye.

"My lady," she said, respectfully.

Artemis looked around at the smoldering grass and blackened tents. "What happened?"

"Believe me, you don't want to know."

 **-o-**

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DrakonOwl21195!**

 **So I know I haven't updated either** _ **Excuse Me**_ **or** _ **Who They Are**_ **in a very long time, but I'm very busy, so cut me a break. Please? I'm very busy. I made the school volleyball team, and with my club volleyball, my live is Hades. But this isn't about me making ridiculous excuses is it? Give me a week or two, and I'll pay more attention to my FF life.**

 **And sorry if this one-shot confused you. It confused me too. I was being very Harry Potter/Star Wars emotional when I was writing it. And I apologize for any typos. Please review, it makes me really happy!**

 **But Happy Birthday to DrakonOwl21195 again! Happy 12th birthday! You're almost a teenager!**

 **-WGG**


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